i need a new life!

i dnt mean to whine and moan on my blog but it's how i feel right now!

i hate alot of things that im doing right now..mainly my job!

i've been moved to my flagship center in the U.K which i thought would be a good move for me.

But i was so wrong, that center is so messed up, i've been there for just about a week and im dreading going back!

life is just long for me now!

And i feel like im not where i need to be, or where i am right now is definately not helping me with where i want to be in the future!

which boils down to the question.

WHERE THE FUCK DO I REALLY WANNA BE, OR WHAT THE FUCK DO I WANNA DO?!?!

ppl can say yeh im young....i got loadsa a time!

STOP im young but im fucking ambitious man, i wanna make something of myself!!!!!

had a convo with a dear friend, who's going outta the country for quite a bit, to do some soul searching...

this hit me, cos....

1 argh another close friend is leaving me

2 cos when i hinted or gave him the impression that i needed to do just that, he said i dnt need to soul search.....

i do......i need to know what i want, thats y i cnt move...cos i have no idea where i'll be moving to!

sorry for the rant!

but thank you for reading!

update u soon with my bloody life!

Neglected? ah well its my blog not urs!

yeh i needed abit of time for important things
but im lying here right now in my bed
covers curled under my feet.......feet still cold as a mutha fug
tupac blazin' on my bose system frm my ipod

a million things running through my head
feels like i have alot to do, but i dnt know y im lying here and not doing anything
i havent even got anything to blog about
just about my wotless doings
some whack tune is playing......erm.....y is this on my ipod?

im lacking something real bad!
but i dnt know what it is
i even called yankee.lol.booty call
no can do.lol.daym!
didnt think that was it either.


argh.
nix fix up
i need a J, yezzzzziiiiiirrrrdddd a nice fat joint.
ummm with a cup of tea!
and some Bob Marley

o yeh! HAPPY BIRTHDAY 'myworldisgoinglala'

o shoooooot i know y i feel like this now.
i have a blood test tomorrow
shitting myself!
i hate needles!
not looking foward to it at all.

ready for one sleepless night, lying in the dark, cold and thinking about needles.
argh!
i think im gonna turn the heater on tonight so that heat knocks me the fuck out!!

anyway enough stupidness frm me!
adios amigos!

p.s remember. God Is Blessing you regardless! just accept.dnt reject!

Good change? or bad change?

I know this is abit late, but i cut my hair two weeks ago! its so short!!

i want u guys' opinion........u can see how i looked like b4 frm previous photos uploaded!

yay or nay peeps?

leave comments,

i will not be offended!

note: or will i?

HAPPY FRIDAY

WOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Pleeeeeeaaaaaasssssseeeeee!!

Pls Lord, your word says 'ask and it shall be given unto you......'

can i have a husband who looks like this? please?

Thank you Lord

In Jesus' name i pray Amen

p.s i am being super serious

just a memory

'i was 9 and he was 12.

both being called into the living-room by an

angered.frustrated.alarming.high on weed.frightening.

voice.

i knew i should've shut my mouth.

i did it all the time.

he'd wind me up.

and i would scream the house dwn.

pops:(shouts@me) WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?

*i know the drill, know whats gonna happen.v.hesitant to answer*

pops:(shouts louder) WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?

*i jumped at his beaming noise.it not a voice anymore....*

nix:(sobbing)kuya hit me.

*it didn't hurt most of the time, but i was a brat.

he annoyed me.*

pops:ARE YOU HURT?

*i could've told the truth,but i never did......*

nix:yeh

(looking up @ my kuya, knowing he knew i was lying about being hurt, feeling guilty as shit, but cnt take back what i've done)

*BANG*

i watch kuyas head as it is flung back

hits the wall we were standing by

my kuya (brother) was always a soldier, even when my pops' timberland boot knocked his head on the wall

im crying next to him, feeling it for him, and he lays a hand on my shoulder tears in his eyes and apologizes to me....

this sort of thing happened on more than one occasions, my brother would take it all for me.

thats why i love his ass

whether its wrong or right

i'll take it all for him

this post is a very emotional post

i dnt even know why i've written it

but needless to say

we are

ride or die

what a wanker!

so im at work and we have this client in one of our meeting rooms,
after his meeting has ended they all come out to the front,
and im guessing, it was the C.E.O
turns to me rudely and says can we pay for the room,
so i get on the phone to my conferencing manager to let him know ppl want to pay for the room, which doesn't normally happen,
as to book a conference room u need to be a member,
anyway,
he rudely puts his hefty suitcase on my desk and asks again can i pay....
now this fat mutha fug knows im on the phone trying to contact someone who can help him,
as i dnt deal with this!!!!!!!
and his impatient asss is bugging the fuck out of me......
i finally get the conferencing manager on my line and tell him,
a gentleman (more like a rude fat man) wants to pay for his room,
my conferencing manager asks me,
what company is he frm...
so i look down and see the company name.....
pastaking.
ok,
never have i ever had any client whose name is associated with food,
so in the politest way i could i told him,
a gentleman from .....paste-taking ( u know that sounds better than pasta king!!!)
then the mutha fugger switches and screams PASTA KING!


im a about to fume!!!!
argh.....

what a dickhead...

did he have too much pasta for lunch or something!

i swear these ppl!

think their so up there when all they do is fricking trade pasta!! argh i dont know!

i just needed to vent!

im ok now

rude bastard! fricking embarassing me for no reason, like i cnt read!

CHA! im a bright intelligent young lady u know!
lol

Still in sooooooo much pain!!

i cant believe it, my whole body hurts!!!!!!! argh, story is, last week!!!! LAST WEEK thursday me and my girl decided to do a spin class at our gym, as we signed up together.lol.

so, i've been to a spin class before, when i was about 16 yrs old....and it was fine, it was fun!!!

but this time round, when i am telling you it was the hardest physical thing i've done in my life.lol....no exaggeration....sweat was dripping off me like i was in a sauna or something.....

when the warm up started me and my girl were looking at eachother, laughing, thinking what have we got ourselves into....for the first 10 mins we were just bussing up at how unfit we both were, but after that i swear we just both went silent, it was like auto-pilot, we had no energy for anything else!!!!!

like rocky we wanted it over and done with!

like stupid girls we didnt bring no water into the studio, so we were dehydrated like fcuk!

argh and now my body is just caning!!!!

i think everyone needs to experience this though! im bringing DOPE this week. hahahahaha good luck to u friend!

ciao for now