i need a new life!

i dnt mean to whine and moan on my blog but it's how i feel right now!

i hate alot of things that im doing right now..mainly my job!

i've been moved to my flagship center in the U.K which i thought would be a good move for me.

But i was so wrong, that center is so messed up, i've been there for just about a week and im dreading going back!

life is just long for me now!

And i feel like im not where i need to be, or where i am right now is definately not helping me with where i want to be in the future!

which boils down to the question.

WHERE THE FUCK DO I REALLY WANNA BE, OR WHAT THE FUCK DO I WANNA DO?!?!

ppl can say yeh im young....i got loadsa a time!

STOP im young but im fucking ambitious man, i wanna make something of myself!!!!!

had a convo with a dear friend, who's going outta the country for quite a bit, to do some soul searching...

this hit me, cos....

1 argh another close friend is leaving me

2 cos when i hinted or gave him the impression that i needed to do just that, he said i dnt need to soul search.....

i do......i need to know what i want, thats y i cnt move...cos i have no idea where i'll be moving to!

sorry for the rant!

but thank you for reading!

update u soon with my bloody life!

Neglected? ah well its my blog not urs!

yeh i needed abit of time for important things
but im lying here right now in my bed
covers curled under my feet.......feet still cold as a mutha fug
tupac blazin' on my bose system frm my ipod

a million things running through my head
feels like i have alot to do, but i dnt know y im lying here and not doing anything
i havent even got anything to blog about
just about my wotless doings
some whack tune is playing......erm.....y is this on my ipod?

im lacking something real bad!
but i dnt know what it is
i even called yankee.lol.booty call
no can do.lol.daym!
didnt think that was it either.


argh.
nix fix up
i need a J, yezzzzziiiiiirrrrdddd a nice fat joint.
ummm with a cup of tea!
and some Bob Marley

o yeh! HAPPY BIRTHDAY 'myworldisgoinglala'

o shoooooot i know y i feel like this now.
i have a blood test tomorrow
shitting myself!
i hate needles!
not looking foward to it at all.

ready for one sleepless night, lying in the dark, cold and thinking about needles.
argh!
i think im gonna turn the heater on tonight so that heat knocks me the fuck out!!

anyway enough stupidness frm me!
adios amigos!

p.s remember. God Is Blessing you regardless! just accept.dnt reject!

Good change? or bad change?

I know this is abit late, but i cut my hair two weeks ago! its so short!!

i want u guys' opinion........u can see how i looked like b4 frm previous photos uploaded!

yay or nay peeps?

leave comments,

i will not be offended!

note: or will i?

HAPPY FRIDAY

WOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Pleeeeeeaaaaaasssssseeeeee!!

Pls Lord, your word says 'ask and it shall be given unto you......'

can i have a husband who looks like this? please?

Thank you Lord

In Jesus' name i pray Amen

p.s i am being super serious

just a memory

'i was 9 and he was 12.

both being called into the living-room by an

angered.frustrated.alarming.high on weed.frightening.

voice.

i knew i should've shut my mouth.

i did it all the time.

he'd wind me up.

and i would scream the house dwn.

pops:(shouts@me) WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?

*i know the drill, know whats gonna happen.v.hesitant to answer*

pops:(shouts louder) WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?

*i jumped at his beaming noise.it not a voice anymore....*

nix:(sobbing)kuya hit me.

*it didn't hurt most of the time, but i was a brat.

he annoyed me.*

pops:ARE YOU HURT?

*i could've told the truth,but i never did......*

nix:yeh

(looking up @ my kuya, knowing he knew i was lying about being hurt, feeling guilty as shit, but cnt take back what i've done)

*BANG*

i watch kuyas head as it is flung back

hits the wall we were standing by

my kuya (brother) was always a soldier, even when my pops' timberland boot knocked his head on the wall

im crying next to him, feeling it for him, and he lays a hand on my shoulder tears in his eyes and apologizes to me....

this sort of thing happened on more than one occasions, my brother would take it all for me.

thats why i love his ass

whether its wrong or right

i'll take it all for him

this post is a very emotional post

i dnt even know why i've written it

but needless to say

we are

ride or die

what a wanker!

so im at work and we have this client in one of our meeting rooms,
after his meeting has ended they all come out to the front,
and im guessing, it was the C.E.O
turns to me rudely and says can we pay for the room,
so i get on the phone to my conferencing manager to let him know ppl want to pay for the room, which doesn't normally happen,
as to book a conference room u need to be a member,
anyway,
he rudely puts his hefty suitcase on my desk and asks again can i pay....
now this fat mutha fug knows im on the phone trying to contact someone who can help him,
as i dnt deal with this!!!!!!!
and his impatient asss is bugging the fuck out of me......
i finally get the conferencing manager on my line and tell him,
a gentleman (more like a rude fat man) wants to pay for his room,
my conferencing manager asks me,
what company is he frm...
so i look down and see the company name.....
pastaking.
ok,
never have i ever had any client whose name is associated with food,
so in the politest way i could i told him,
a gentleman from .....paste-taking ( u know that sounds better than pasta king!!!)
then the mutha fugger switches and screams PASTA KING!


im a about to fume!!!!
argh.....

what a dickhead...

did he have too much pasta for lunch or something!

i swear these ppl!

think their so up there when all they do is fricking trade pasta!! argh i dont know!

i just needed to vent!

im ok now

rude bastard! fricking embarassing me for no reason, like i cnt read!

CHA! im a bright intelligent young lady u know!
lol

Still in sooooooo much pain!!

i cant believe it, my whole body hurts!!!!!!! argh, story is, last week!!!! LAST WEEK thursday me and my girl decided to do a spin class at our gym, as we signed up together.lol.

so, i've been to a spin class before, when i was about 16 yrs old....and it was fine, it was fun!!!

but this time round, when i am telling you it was the hardest physical thing i've done in my life.lol....no exaggeration....sweat was dripping off me like i was in a sauna or something.....

when the warm up started me and my girl were looking at eachother, laughing, thinking what have we got ourselves into....for the first 10 mins we were just bussing up at how unfit we both were, but after that i swear we just both went silent, it was like auto-pilot, we had no energy for anything else!!!!!

like rocky we wanted it over and done with!

like stupid girls we didnt bring no water into the studio, so we were dehydrated like fcuk!

argh and now my body is just caning!!!!

i think everyone needs to experience this though! im bringing DOPE this week. hahahahaha good luck to u friend!

ciao for now

ladies never lose composure

so feeling the alesha dixon song-breathe slow, although the first time i saw and heard it on her video, i thought it was just wack, but it really depicts how she is coping with her misfortune......check it out, youtube it, cnt b bothered to post a link, even though its not too hard to, im feeling really lazy!

*nothing to do with the song*

just a shout out to a special friend!
you will remain anonymous on my blog.......but you'll know exactly who you are!
you are not a bad person
and i love u dear friend i really do!
i pray for God to take all these negative thoughts away, all the ppl in ur life that are not needed i pray God removes them frm your path towards him!
Lay it all down at the feet of Jesus, remember he knows how you feel, he knows exactly what your going through.....he's walked before you, and our Lord would never put you through something for it to end terribly......your latter will be greater!
God doesn't see you where u are now but where he sees you at the end of it all!
God loves you, he sacrificed his son so that we may have eternal life through him!
Dear friend, focus all the energy you have now, good or bad in seeking our almighty father, he wants you to turn to him, when you feel like there is no one else, then is the time where you realise there is God!

In Jesus' MIGHTY MIGHTY NAME I PRAY! WE PRAY!
AMEN

i love my dad

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i know

i have been so rubbish with my blogs lately, i cnt even say rubbish cos i haven't been posting to b judging it rubbish.

*sigh*

im going away on monday to the P.I and i cant bloody wait, so since last week i've been sitting at home literally counting time.....feeling mega busy but im not! if i dont post b4 i leave im sure i'll come back with something absolutely spectacular to tell u guys....o yeh, did u guys know dopes coming with me?

ahhhhhh gona b bloody fantastic!

any hoe

i WILL touch u guys soon
God Bless
=D

Gooooooodmooooorniiiiiiiiiing! Good-morn-ing looooove =D

hey guys, so lots to tell,
1 this yr is gonna big, well it better be!
2 so my amazing 2 have left.....to go fili! Belvz n Bro
3 yankee was belling off my phone last night

1 so im dreaming big this year, as in no holding back, risks being made. Hello i have nothing to lose, but im claiming it now in Jesus' mighty name my 2009 will be productively fruitful!
A few business plans are laid out in my mind, it's just about stepping out on them now! And i pray i keep focused, on one main thing.....through it all G.O.D is my C.E.O!!!

2 my bro left last monday and my belvz.lol....my belvz u kno....left monday just past! im ok, im use to my bro not living with me so it's not that bad, but belvz, whoa......the amount of times i call her number nowadays makes me realise it's like second nature to me, i just pick up my fone n hit call twice n her numbers there......even when she was around i'd call her to say, Hi Belvz....she'll say whattagwan.lol.....i'll say nuttin, n she'll say same and we lock off!
i miss her! belvz is DGIMA btw. =D

3 yeh he was bugging off my fone, while i was at work, i deleted his number but cos he has so many 1111111 in it, i can recognise it. felt abit eurgh again about it and wanted so bad to speak 2 belvs about it but shes not here....and for some reason unreachable too.....biatch call me already!
anyway he called really late on unknown and i was half asleep, dumb girl picks up, n im like fuck not this bullshit again, and he was talking to me like i was all good with him, i dnt know y i didnt put the fone down, i guess i just wanted to know what he had to say, surprisingly we had a good talk, nothing to do about us, just things we'd normally talk about on a nice quiet saturday evening, while watching a film, sitting on his nice big suede couch....snuggled up.......NIX shut the fuck up man, he aint no good!

lol here i go again.........nah flying solo in that department until i find someone who loves God more than me! Thats my perfect candidate!

toodles for now man......wotless blog entry but i felt like i was neglecting!

AND AGAIN a very very BLESSED new year to your guys!

leaving u with pix frm nye!

me and my beautiful cousins!

check silly string on my toe.lol

n my shoes r off u know i was mash up!

its a new season, coming to me!

'its a new season, its a new day, fresh anoninting, is coming my way.....
its a season of power and prosperity, its a new season coming to ME!!'

Sing with me...=D

Happy New Year blog fam
x