'promises u made, coming back to haunt you....'

at the underground bullshit

NS*nix*DOPE

GANGSTAHZ

ME.lol who said i was on blogspot to look pretty, do i get props or what for my outfit.....flava flave,stevie wonder, gangstress gone wrong.lol

shameless, but i hope i made u smile....

*right for sum reason i wasnt able to upload vid, i left it uploading all daym night.......i think its too big, any1 know how i can make it a smaller file?*

and the vid we decided to take with our newly found personas!

have i got integrity or what?

a whole loada stuffz

wasss going on blog world! im at the office this morning, how crap is that, i thought i'd blog, but i dnt really wanna bore you with what went dwn cos we all know its just the usual chit chat eerrrrbody b talking about, and we listen politely.....

anyhoe.....

i got some vidz to post, they are too funny, saturday me and 2 of my girls were watching hip hop honours on mtv....and yes we started getting in the mood for some gansgter shit rapping, believe we turned my room around looking for clothing and accesories to look the part.....

will put up our one wen i get home. but to keep u entertained...check out our inspiration above.lol

we looked so gangster we HAD to do a hip hop vid, except we sorta lost the plot once recording!

*i will post vids later. promise!

hahahaha some funny shit still!

same day....later on in the night at about 1am my girl dope.......was forced to come to my yard so we can hit some local place....

*and it wasn't until a number of phonecalls and researching did we find this local venue* lol.....dope can comment on that 1!

anyway so we reach and we look around...shit this is some underground shit......

and remebering we reached somewaht after 1am! SCAREY i'd say! part of my ends r like overely ghetto! west london or not!

still its a tenner to get in.....i aint a cheapo....well i am, but i mean its a tenner to get into traffic *sum club in holborn* and that place is live!!!!

o my when we walked in, me and NS *my other girl* turned str8 to dope and gave her the look, ima kill u in a min!

this place was more than underground......yoyos in Notting hill was underground!!

the whole night we stayed in the corner drinking our cosmos, and shacking it out cos i must admit the music was LIIIIIIIVVVVVEEEEE!

*i'll insert a pic here*

i also bumped into a friend at the end of the night, who i see everywhere! i think he kinda cute.

lol me and my girls were outside, and i wass like thats my cousin...and i walk over to him.lol....dope and NS r watching me converse........and i know there both thinking, her cousin??? im sure i c a black man she's talking to.lol....hahahahaha will explain how i know him.....adrian *my black cousin*

HAHA

=D

on a last note, my brother....if you've been reading my blog, is GOOD and WELL!

PRAISE THE LORD!

*also thank you to u guys who prayed with me in spirit!*

well enough to go back home to the islands!! which he will do today, his flight is at 2pm....im gona miss him sooooo much, but im gonna c him again in 2/3 weeks cos im off there soooooooooon! cnt w8, massive family affair out there!! as in the WHOLE clang!!!!

dope u still coming bitch?

c ya

x

the sweetest name in the books *JESUS*

my bad not only the books, sweetest name full stop.
this morning i read my word for you today hit the link up on DGIMA its on one of her post, and while your there stay for a while...educate urself =D
anyhow i was on the UCB website and i clicked on a link under *why Jesus?*
i read it and i mean i've been a Born Again Christian for around 8yrs now, but reading that link, a few simple words made me fall so deeply in love again for the 1millionth time!

to whoever is reading this right now, i have no idea how your seeing this post, whether you are judging me because of my previous posts(antics) but not excusing myself but no one who has walked this earth is perfect apart from Jesus! Only by Gods grace and mercy do i wake up every morning knowing that im so loved, regardless of my wordly actions.

you know i've tried so hard to bring people to Jesus, family, friends and yes sometimes strangers hehe. But i dont get very far simply because how could i lead anyone to a destination that i have not reached?

dnt get it twisted though, i am 'highly capable' said my bestfriend the other night *thank you, i love u*

leaving that at that, i would like for you guys to read these lyrics or search the song on utube, cos i dnt know how to link a song/vid..eeeek! *furthermore get the album - the fight of my life*

The Last Jesus :
I see you, I need you, but I don't know your name
I touch you, say I love you, but that's all you get for today
It's easy, so easy, to tell you it's gon be okay
When I don't walk in ur shoes, haven't been through what you been through
Instead I push you away
Sunday everyone looks like you
But if our lives are cold inside tell me what's the use

If I say I love Jesus, but you can't see my Jesus
My words are empty, if they can't see Jesus in me
No more excuses, I give myself away
Because I may be the only Jesus they see

Too busy, forgive me, I've got problems of my own
It's easier to say your help is on the way
But I was your help all along
We're shouting, we're dancing, but can the world see a change
Am I just too selfish to see, the love they need You put inside of me

If we say we love Jesus, but they can't see our Jesus
Tell me what's the use if they can't see Jesus in you and me
No more excuses, we give it all away
Because we may be the only Jesus they see

If I am Your hands and Your feet, and if Your church is built inside of me
Where did we go wrong, we been here too long, we can't see Your face anymore
It's not the same anymore

Have mercy on us Jesus, please forgive us Jesus
I lost my purpose, if they can't see You in me
See I lied too long, and I change it all today
Because I may be, because I may be
The only Jesus they see, the only Jesus they see, the only Jesus they see

super blessed this morning, and the Holy Spirit wanted me to share my blessing with YOU!

Peace!

all 2gether now...'Nikki LOVEZ heelz!'

*add*

*ict*

*ion*

hahaha u know what im at home now, after a long day, and what better thing to do than to go through my heels and walk around feeling sexy.lol.....than i had a brilliant idea, y dnt we take some piccies and post them.......wasn't really feeling to put 'em all on and take a pic individually, but yeh.....

im bored now. lol. and im really annoyed cause im missing a few more heels.......and i just dont know where to find them, they can be in so many places.lol....(my girls' houses)

anyhow, im always on sites where i find a perfect looking pair of shoes, i stare hard, and want them so bad, i imagine how it would look with my diff outfits and how they'd make me feel, and how the girls would 'ooooh' and 'aaaahhhh' occasionally the boys too.lol....

then i think long enough *1 sec* imma buy these babies.....just to b so frickin dissappointed.....Y??

not cause they dont have my size

the price

or the colour

but to see that im on U.S

site and they dnt ship to where i bloody live.

frustrating huh!

after i've just about fallen in love with them.

and i would post the shoe.....well shoes that i cnt have,

but im not feeling to cry right about now.

HAHAHAHAHA!

i'd say......

ermmmmm....

it may b....

an

ADDICTION.

definately.

catch ya later

p.s a bit pointless i know.

as promised <>

so as i promised frm my previous post, the story about mummies birthday present.
so dec 6, im at home frm about 10 am....a little hungover and since no1 was in i sleep till about 3pm.
walk around the house and no1 is home, and im like...yeh im going out later but really, is it right ive spent half of my birthday on my own....sleeping.
i call mummy....

nix:ma where r u
ma:shopping y?
nix:what time will u b home, u know its my birthday...
ma:soon, we're just picking up the tree.

im kool with this cos i know theres no tree and i know shes out buying me something spectacular, u c kidz, my mum is different....no 'thanks alot' kinda presents frm her, its always a 'wow' i bloody wanted this but didnt even think of it to avoid disappointment!
any how they get home.....and get this her and her bf are dragging a tree.....daym she wernt lying....so i go to my room cos im so lazy and its my birthday and i didnt wanna fix that shit up.

then mum screams nix come here u got some pressies.....
i come out 2 the living room like an excied child and i c 3 boxes wrapped up. in front of mum, mums bf, my bro, and my lil cuz i open the first 1 ive been told to, its from my cousin and she got me some cup, cute cup that when u put water in the nose goes red...she was more excited then i was.lol
anyhow i go for the smaller box now, and mum interupts and says open the big box first, so im like ok, i open it and its pjs.....*drop dead grumpy...gorgeous crossed out.lol*
kool, im happy cos theres still that lil jewerelly shaped box. hehe by now got the fattest smile on my face......and all eyes are on me with this big grin right, so i open it, its in a leather box......black leather box, no signiture colours or labels, so already my ear to ear smile goes frm nostral to nostral.lol....(i think thats how u spell it)
still smiling, but with bait disappointment.
i open it, looking down at the most unexciting jade bracelet charm thingy.....im red i can feel it......my smile has GONE! and i can still feel all eyes on me, i look up and so happened to b my mums bf i c 1st, click.....he got a snap shot. i look at mum, 'thanks ma' she looks upset and im shitting myself i duno how to looks more happy........and i know these ppl are thinking what a spoilt ungrateful bitch! my bro comes up to me and nudges me put it on. its nice. mum asks me dont u like it.
im fricking speechless.guys it was SO SO SO SO BAD!
anyway about 5mins of speechlessness....we all start decorating. i keep throwing comments at mum about how its nice, but does it fit right etc....tryna justify my puzzled face when opened init.*nix man its a bracelet not a pair of jeans*

anyway mum wants to c wot im wearing tonight so shes asks me to do an outfit change....
so i got to my room, clutching my friggin gifts, and on my bed i c 1 hench box wrapped up. im like, fuck, no way......i pick it up and go to the living room. and sit dwn, and say guys......with a curious cheeky smile.
its big...and its heavy, and im like wtf can this b, i really cnt live no more if its 1 of those horrific incidents half hour ago. but i look at mum and she says open it.....so i open it, and its a laptop. =D
IVE WANTED ONE FOR AGES. AND THEY GOT ME 1!
do u know how bad i felt. i kept saying i dnt deserve this, not bcos i thought i was a bad daughter, but bcos of my spoilt bratness.

lol. i need to learn how to not expect so much huh.......

turned out alryt in the end tho......

daym losers always gotta play tricks!

anyway i need me some kipp,

nitey kidz

Super Lazy

hmmmm, so what have you missed???? u know what, ive just been so demotivated to get on a pc and blog, seriously, life is just dragging for me right now.

my daily routine

1. wake up at 6/7 am (depending on shift)
2. get ready
3. outta the house by 7/8am (depending again on shift)
4. get to work
5. work
6. finish at 5/6pm (depending on shift)
7. go home....get home
8. jam for a bit....(meaning stay in work clothes, mac and all...) *not trampish.just friggin tired*
9. eat
10. cook 4 fam(mum,her bf, bro) *y me, the youngest...so not my responsibilty*
11. sleep

okay doesn't sound to bad, but EVERY FUCKING DAY!

argh, im so relocating soon.

apart frm that, it was my birthday weekend just past, wohoooo 21 now but i feel like im 31!

fri night went to some club called Embassy with the girls, had a good night, never been there b4, the crowd was DEFF-RENTTT!!

poshies all over the place, and i think im saying this on behalf of all my girlies, we were certainly a breath of fresh air in there.

sat night we hit our usual spot, arch angel which was banging as usual....music good! atmosphere good! company good! it just felt good to be able to spend my night somewhere im familiar with!

will def get some fotos up, when i get them.

o yeh and i got some really really nice pressies!!!

mummy got me a........let that b my nx post actually.hehe

ugg boots,luella bag,laptop,jade bracelet,pjs,heater(trust me we need it in my room),MAC eyelash curler,perfume,swarovski earrings....

dnt think there was anything else but my bad if there was, and honestly wasn't expecting anything, cos im old mayn.=D

passing my birthday now, argh......im upset, i really am.

so you guys all know yankee if you've been reading my blog, well something i didnt even get to tell you guys was that yeh i broke up with him by txt, about summer 08, and like i really didnt hear frm him, yeh i was frikin heartless but i mean at least try...so much for 'cant say i didnt try'

argh wotever, anyway in the first post i wrote about him.....it started with me listening to my vmail on the fone i lost right?? well yeh he called and he left a msg, and i got in contact with him again. frm then lets say frm about oct 08 we'd been exchanging calls, you know finding out and just generally catching up. we finally met again....mid nov!!! when i say this guy still looked at me like i was shitting gold!!!! anyway so i stayed round, we spoke, we chilled, and frm what we discussed that night and previously he wasn't seeing anyone, but he was all good with his babymother. kool, you know so what went dwn went dwn....thinking about it now......daym, but lets NOT!

anyway last time i saw him was my birthday, fri night, and like yeh, it was my birthday!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY NIX! more like happy birthday YANKEE! anyway next morning i just felt wrong, so wrong and as usual i grabbed all my stuff......which was ALL over the place, anyway made sure not to leave anything. 3 days kater he calls me

yankee:hey baby, you know you got me in trouble

nix:huh how? *puzzled* but thinking maybe his backs broke*

yankee:yeh my babymother found your gold cardigan you were wearing the other day

nix thinking*excuse me?? y she at ur place going through ur shit, and more importantly y is she tripping?? (duno british term of tripping.lol.daym im so begging.lol)

nix:yanx that gold cardigan aint mine, i dont own a gold cardigan...

yankee starts shooting me with alibi's by now cos the way i dropped that line he knew he messed up, not only messed up but got caught!

i locked him off!

wank-ah.......fuckin wank-ah!

but im upset, at least i know now huh. =(

i spilled my guts out to u guys....i feel a lil better now.

so off to where now? i was thingking Australia or Canada.

p.s and not bcos of the last bit i wrote about.....more cos of the begining of the post.but yankees stunt was the last straw.

something thats been going thru my mind lately

sorry i haven't touched my blog in so long
when i tell you BUSY is not even the word to justify!

anyhow, i have a younger boy cousin, he's 17 i think or 18, anyway i have mad love for him, he's actually not my blood cousin, his mum is married *kinda* to my uncle. but i've known my cousin since he was lil.....therefore regardless of whatever anyone says or feels or hears..HE IS MY COUSIN! we'll call him 'H'

anyway we know we have eachothers backs however far will live frm eachother and however not so often we see eachother.
lately we've been chatting, now he's the kinda kid who keeps himself to himself, wears dark clothing and always has his head dwn, so when we do speak u know i really wana get in there and see y this kid is so dark! he's been opening up, alot but not enough, i think he doesn't realise that i know much more than he thinks. getting to thep oint of this blog....the other day we were chatting about nightmares, cos he posted one note on facebook, of a nightmare he had, and 'betcha by golly wow' was it disturbing. no exaggeration.

got me thinking about my experiences..
now u can believe what im gonna tell u, or u can think rah this girls nutz!
whichever u choose......i dnt care
if u believe me thank u
if u dnt, hope ur shit scared! *not really* but woteva

....it was a late summer night, and i had just spent the last two hours awake on the phone to a friend....it was 2am and i had work the next day so i had to sleep.
as soon as i got off the phone, i felt i was about to dose off but felt bad vibes in my room, but my eyes could no longer take it and i nod off, half asleep i can hear something shuffling in my room.but my sleepiness is still fighting me, in the space of 3 seconds i feel something/someone on my bed, has gotten on top of me sat on my chest *not a heavy thing* and giving me blows to my head, when im telling you, my head was swinging frm side to side! and i knew fuck its them.....i've always been told when in trouble call on the name Jesus, best believe that name in itself is POWERFUL!
i call...Jesus, i call...Jesus, this thing is still beating the shit outta my face! i think u know, this thing wnt listen or get off with my weak voice no faith screaming Jesus, so with one last authoratative voice i demand get off me in Jesus mighty name! ah finally, it gets off me, im lying there on my bed in shock, i feel it climb off my bed...too scared to look str8 at it, i look at its shadow on my drawers, i see a short thing with messy curly hair.....abit straw like....as it walks it grows in height to about 3/4 of the height of my room. im looking at it now, tall, slim, in a long black cloak like mac, curly long bad weave like hair and its face was a face of a pig. it was looking in my mirror, putting a belt around its neck as a scarf, i blink and its gone!
i sit up, my head is banging, and im shaking with fear.

that night i called my mum to sleep with me....
i've been attacked a few times b4 but never like that.
......and i always wake up in mid action.

got a headache now.

cheerio kidz

i'll say it loud and proud. i love jojo =D

One two three four
Huh hhhhmmmmm ohhh
I think I could like you
I Already do
Feelings can grow but
They can go away too
You're taking my hand
Looking into my eyes
Don't be in a rush to
get me tonight
I feel something happening
Could this be a spark?
To satisfy me baby
Got to satisfy my heart
(Chorus)
Do you know how to touch a girl?
If you want me so much First I have to know
Are you thoughtful and kind?
Do you care what's on my mind?
Or am I just for show?
You'll go far in this world
If you know how to touch a girl

I think I could like you
But I keep holding back
Cause I can't seem to tell
If you're fiction or fact
Show me you can laugh
Show me you can cry
Show me who you really are
Deep down inside
Do you feel something happening
Could this be for real?
I don't know right now
But tonight will reveal
(Chorus)
Do you know how to touch a girl?
If you want me so much
First I have to know
Are you thoughtful and kind?
Do you care what's on my mind?
Or am I just for show?
You'll go far in this world
If you know how to touch a girl

Bring me some flowers
Conversations for hours
To see if we really connect
And baby if we do ohhhh
I'll be giving all my love to you

Tagging rules.

1. Link to the person who tagged you.

DOPE



2. Post the rules on your blog.

Tagging rules.
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they've been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.



3. Write six random things about yourself.

• i hate the colour pink, yet everything i own seems to be pink.


• i love black, i love my black dress, i love my black shoes, i love my black men, i even frikin love my black roundtrees fruit pastilles =D


• i have an allergy to apple, pears, cherries, peaches, nectarines and strawberries, so much 4 the five a day rule.


• ppl think im a miserable girl cos i walk around with a serious face all the time, but SERIOUSLY y smile while walking dwn the road. ppl will get scared mate.*not sayin my smile is that terrible, but u know what i mean*


• i've never had to go to doc/hospital for myself apart frm when i was born.

wow this is hard.lol

• i hate my job

4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.

my world is going lala

burns the soul

dear God its me again

Tales and tallies

vixen

icandy21



hey to every1 i tagged sorry if you've been tagged b4!
x

fine ima spill some beanz right here =P

so ye as the title says...
i've been so confused lately, as any girl....boy wise....
lets just get things straight first im single =D
so any hot guys in blogland, dat feeling the way this girl writes take me outta my misery and b the knight in shining armour.lol
*cough *cough*
did i just send out an ad.lol
pls excuse my craziness, im at home ill, i took a day off cos seriously i cnt b at working like this...
and im under alot of medication right now.

here we go
yeh so theres two guys in my life at the moment, both from the past and i know i know, its bad but i really really like them both, the problem is i know i should just get up outta the area and not get myself in these situations, but whenever i try to bring myself to it, its like but do i really want him out?
and like the reason y im sticking is totally two different reasons for the both of them, both are over lovely to me, and i know our relationships are totally platonic *kinda*, its just the way things are and are going i feel like they both have the ability to make me fall so hard....again and i just dont how to stop that without hurting myself.
wow i sound like one whiney chick.lol
thing that differentiates the two is that one can hurt me, without knowing and the other one cant hurt me.
surely that means i like one more than the other right? cos feeling like you could get hurt by someone means..... i duno.lol
but then i dnt even know if thats the case..cos the one i think i wnt get hurt by is not because i dnt like them alot its cos i dnt fink he has it in him.
but i duno.lol
can the person even reading understand what im trying to get at?
if u can..
help?
plz
=)

SLACKIN' i know!

sorry guys, i know im slackin' bigtime, i guess i just got bored with the story, u know i had a plan for the ending of yankee on my blog but they way i went on about it with all the parts threw me off!

its annoying cos now the story on my blog is not in sync with whats going on in yankee town today.argh.long story!

plus i've been super busy, as in i have no idea what with but i know i have been.

and im sick.argh.my throat is numb from my coughing as in i cnt feel a damn thing in my throat.

anyhow

im not chatting much sense

but i can tell u this

ive got myself in some what of a pickle!!

i'll b needing you kidz help with my next post..

but im still contemplating on doing it.

i'll b back

x

Cant Say I Didnt Try Pt 3b

as promised, maybe not at home but im at work again and i am BOOOOORRRRRREEEEEED!
so as it goes 3a was 1st tym at his, 3b is first time at mine... oh the joy...hehehe

first off, i live in a COMPLETELY different area to yanx, he lives in east london, and i live on the west side!! ask any1 there is a big difference and not just on gang rivallry.. in the morning i listen to the kensington birds singing, and in the morning he listens to....GUN SHOTS!

so im on the fone to him, he is on his way dwn, he took a train and u can only call at certain times cos of bad reception......but bcos i managed to call him i know he's near....
'yeh so babygirl where do i get off.....'
'i'll meet you at Grove station, i'll b at the bottom of the steps'

now where i live is somewhat of a ghetto in the posh ends of London.....i get to the station...all nervous and shit, just waiting for that train to hit home, and i c my friend sitting down outside d station (my tramp friend) so u kno usual small talk....then i c yanx coming dwn the stairs....i smile, he smiles....puts his arm around my shoulder and as we walk off 'my friend' yells, you better take care of her, she's a lovely girl.......
lovely huh, just lovely, now yanx thinks my mates are tramps! regardless.....this dude still looking at me like i shit out gold! hmmmm.

anyway the walk to my yard frm the station is about 5mins, and the whole time im thinking, daym whats my mama gona say i only told her im going shop, now it looks like i went shop and bought myself one fine ass black man! i really didn't know how she would take it.....i've mentioned him to my mum like 1nce b4 now.......ooops.
so we get in, and i pop my head round the door of the living room, 'hi ma, yankees here' and she gives me those eyes, u know them eyes that could make you break out in cold sweats....
b4 she could say anything yankee walks in the living room, 'goodevening, lovely to meet you' kisses her on both cheeks than shakes my mums bf's hand.
i could tell my mum was like daym....cos she sat there with some cheesy grin on her face!

so we head on into my room, i wanted 2 c his reaction about my room, cos bloody hell it is 1 buff room...
burgandyish walls and ceiling, spotlight dimmers, round bed, satin curtains (same colour as the walls)and a 32inch plasma.

but i didnt get much of a reaction.

so the night went on, we talked, we joked, we laughed, we did have abit to drink, only a lil bit....
boy does JD n Coke make me sleepy, so he puts on a film... PulpFiction
i've never seen it b4 but apperently its good, so we're lying on my bed he's holding me, one arm under my head and the other around my tummy......but we made sure all hands were over the covers cos we both made it clear, none of THAT tonight init. kooooooooooollllll,
and yeh the warmth of his body so close to me, made me knock out.
i mean i woke up about 4tyms, and that bloody film was still playing....how long is that film??

anyway typically i wake up when the film is over.......half alseep and boy dnt know what he was thinking while i was knock out but this guy was jus ready and rearing to go......

things lead onto things... but how i was wishing the Pulpfiction theme song wasn't playing in the background!

that night was amazing, AND amazingly painful at the same time.

brb w/ pt 4

Cant Say I Didnt Try Pt 3a

the long and awaited......my apologies kidz...

.....so frm then on, me and Yanx hit it off =D

the first time i went to his
frm what i remember, he wanted us to go out to some local bar, but i took too long to get ready.lol.....so we ended up jamming at his, watched a movie, i sat there drooling on some hot guy on the screen (daym, what was this actors name again??)

yeh that night i was pretty much keeping myself to myself nothing interesting went dwn....
but he did manage to get me screaming and red faced.lol.......
what i didn't know was that he had sum mad foot fettish, the dude literally took my shoe off....and threw it on the other side of the room.....i was like WTF??
i quickly sat on my foot.lol........not knowing what to expect, cos seriously if he started doing sum mad shit on my feet i wudve freaked out.....dude is still tryna get at them.....and im there with my serious face and tone 'yanx wot are you doing? CAN U NOT PLS'

this made the fucker curious, now he insists on checking out my feet and counting each toe....(he thinks i only have 4 toes)
he manages to push me off my feet, grabs my left foot in the air.....counts and looks at me....and smiles.....nice feet.......NICE FEET all i could say was thanx.
apart frm that he didn't try it on me or anything, cos i absolutely hate....HATE sleeze balls, and when i left he said ' thank you for coming down, i really needed this kinda company' and gave me a kiss on my forehead....i walked off, and b4 i got into the cab he calls out 'hold up nix' i look at him and he walks to the cab and tells me to get home safely.....and i say ok.

i know i was expecting abit more like a romantics sweep me off my feet and into his bed, but nope, im glad the night ended like it did....
he did call me more than a few time while i was in the cab asking me to make a u-turn and back to his, but i was like nah mate.....*hooked* hehehehe

kidz notice how i put the title as part 3a
3b will b done wen i get home, promise, cos yo gurl is at work atm

hope this story aint boring u guyz...let me know

Cant Say I Didnt Try Pt 2

so i decided frm now on, i will put in abit of effort, meaning i'll pick up his calls, so obviously we get chatting, know more about each other ..........he's 24....frm st lucia....has a son....full time job.....got his own place....etc etc..

but its all just talk on the phone which im perfectly happy with.

come november and it's his birthday, and he calls me as im about to go outta Ldn to some outlet for some shopping...=D

and i was like 'Happy Birthday Lovely'

and the boy was touched.lol....when i say he was shocked that i remembered i mean SHOCKED!!......

so i was like ye so what ur 25 now how does it feel?

he gets abit hesitant on the fone....but at the time i think nothing of it.

that night when i got home, yankee calls me and is like' wassup darling?'

i could tell he sounded different, the kinda tone he had when i asked him how it feels to b 25.......lol......so i prepare myself and think, this guy is gonna tell me he 16 aint he......even though he doesn't look anywhere near that age....you get them big ass men who aren't old enuff to get into certain films at the cinema....but look like they have 2 kids and a wife.....so anyway!!

it isn't the worse......i find out he's 30!

no problem

surely though why did he lie in the first place?? then y did he tell me the truth.....

im thinking this guy might be feeling to b more than just calling and chatting on the fone.....and i guessed right.

exchange of convo for the nx few weeks.

him-'babygirl, when do i get to c u?'

me-'sorry im not available....real busy ..'

this as you boys and girls probably all know can get pretty tiring.....

anyway, so every sunday i go to church 7-9, and one sunday i felt to txt a few ppl in my fone book and invite them to church, i was on a mission to winning souls for Christ.....and as i was strolling dwn my long list of numbers a saw yankees name, and i thought.....what the hay......

my txt said.

hey guys, hope to c u 7-9 church Notting Hill, be blessed, Nix

the lazy buggers my friends are, no1 turned up apart frm 2ppl, yup....Yankee and his 2yr old son.

my heart melted!!

1.cos he actually came

2.i love kids, and his son was the cutest lil thing ever

3.daym is Yankee one FIIIIIIINNNNNNEEEEEEE man.

*him and his baby boy had matching leather jackets on.....so cute *

so yep, Yankee has more points added onto my imaginery chalk board in my head.

DAYM

i wish i didn't tell u to fuck off......=(

i know im a muppet!

can't say i didn't try

hey kidz, i need ur help!

so u all know (if you've been reading) that i have lost my phone. But Thank T-mobile i have my sim card back which i recieved last night when i got home! but with none of my numbers....'so sheenz call me pls' =P anyway so when i put my sim card i put it my mums old bruk up fone and it shows i have 8 vmails and countless txtz....duh im loved =D didnt bother listenin to vmails, just wanted to get into bed and sleep!

so im here at work now and i get another vmsg....i think what the hay lemmi c whos tryna call me

...listening......listening.......

'Hi Nicole, this is Joanna from Oasis Please contact me on.......about your account with us.....' listening.....

bills.......

'Nix, its daddy just checking up on u and kuya, love u baby'.......


listening......


last voice msg...


'babygirl calling to let you know i just got paid, dont know if this is still your number, cant say i didn't try, Bless you'

hu dat?


Yankee my Ex
Last Summer.....so me my girls B and J are getting ready for a night out, one of J's friends birthdays...we go to one pub for pre-drinks at a place called 'The Old Explorer' cos at pubs, drinks are cheaper than at clubs.lol......cheapskatez.....any way so slight tipsy and we are ready to hit the club.... due to the lateness and size of our group we were force to go to some rubbish club called Sound........never-the-less my girls know how to have a good time!

couple a drinks dwn we decide its time for us 2 head home, J parts frm me and B......so we are waiting at the bus stop now (cheapskatez agen!)

and these two guys walk up to us.....and honestly speaking i dnt really remember what they looked like but we talk, and we find out that they are club promoters.......so one guy (yankee) goes to me gimmi ur number, i'll get u in loadsa places for free v.i.p....

and d drunk cheapskate i am, is like.....07852............

2 weeks or so later, everything is forgotten about until i get this call, its yankee, im like hu the fudge is yankee, and y is some american dude calling off my fone, then he explains how he got my number and im like....ooooooooo......sorry i was drunk, and i dnt want to go to any clubs.....do u mind not calling again...

that didnt go too well, the guy starts calling me.......quite often......and my 'i dnt wanna go to any clubs' doesnt stop him....so i just stopped answering.

then one time another event popped up, i cant remember what but i needed a venue fast and easy.......daym this yankee, so i call him and he doesn't answer......karma blows!

so i leave a voice msg to let him know the deal so he knows im calling for business and nothing else......

my msg went a little suttin like this..

'hey Yanx.....its Nicole, i was just calling cos i really need a venue tonight for about 20 of my girls...can you hook me up. let me know'

anyway he didn't get back to me.....so i had to make plans on my own......but we sorted!!!

on the way to the club i check my phone 3 miss calls and a vmsg....

'hey shortee, i manage to speak to my boy i got you a booth at CC's every 1 v.i.p you and 4 other girls get in for free the rest only need 2 pay a £5, can't say i didn't try'

after that i was like daym.......do u kno how hard it is to get into a club late in London without paying a fortune!!!! let alone a booth in a club, v.i.p for 20 girls, 5 in free, the rest £5.

he did try so i thought, ok.....koooool......i'll pick up ur calls frm now on!

i'll b back with the rest, so sorry, i just keep on going off on one!

btw this post isn't done....but it's bugging me cos theres jus so much to write about.....i'll b back =D

my day so far...

hey kidz,

im at work right now, and i'd thought id write a blog.

so as you all know my brother is back frm the Philippine Islands, and i've been off work since wednesday, i was initially only suppose to take fri off but i was hit with a bug going around Ldn town, so pissed couldn't keep a crumb down! argh so, frm thurs-till now, i have been spending ridiculous amounts of time with the famo.....(good ridiculous)

which has been real good for me, since i hardly get to spend that quality time with them!

anyway.....

i digress?? hehe sorry ive just been reading alotta blogs lately and this word (digress) has been proved very popular... just really dnt know how to use it in context...

anyway.....

i digress?? hahahahahaha im so sorry.lol

yeh so.lol........this morning i found it MEGA hard to get up, my mum had to walk in2 my room and wake me up...

mama 'nikki its 7........... get up' -in a over tired irritated voice

me 'yes....im awake' -liiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeessssssss!

so daym im late

rush rush rush

in a bad mood

freezing cold

bus takes forever

jump on the bus

cnt find my oyster (buspass)

every1 on the bus is staring at me with impatience

'patience is a virtue' i scream in my head

walk to the back of the bus

where its nice and warm (bcos the seats a right above the engine)

put one foot up on a seat 2 pull up my tights

facety bitch nx to me kisses her teeth

give her attitude back by pulling my tights up with agression

(thats how u know im a lovely girl)

fuckin 'ell ive put a hole in my tights!

*karma*

stick my ipod on

put Christian playlist to switch my mood

it works

i feel happier and lighter

i am a friend of God mate!

so......waiting till i get to the Strand

i get there

i get off

still listening to my ipod

which is on loud

i got a jump in my step now...

'all around,all around,everywhere i look your love is all around!'

i reach CVG (Covent Garden)

outside my building

need to check the time am i early? (walk in with happy face)

am i late (put that sad face on)

i check my pocket for my fone.

wheres my fone?

i check my bag....

daym compartments...

1st compartment - no sign

2nd....still no sign

3rd.....fuck....

ive lost my lovely fone kidz

stupid jump in my step....

and that was just the morning, i dnt plan to continue with the rest of my day..

u guys will get depressed!

funny enough blogging all of that i feel happy

im smiling

im smiling

ur smiling

we smiling

miracles and blessings kidz! miracles and blessings!!

Dedicated to my SISTER frm another MISTER!

I love u and miss you more......hey we really love peace huh?? world peace BITCH!=D

I really cant wait to see you next week 4 lunch.....while we walk the snazzy cobbled streets of Covent Garden!!

HEY!

pls dnt kill me.lol

o yeh bring ur cammy to work and we can do a picture blog...wahyaseh?

hehehe we can do it at night when the fairy lights are out!

im EXCCCCCCIIIIIIITTTTTTEEEEEDDDD!

its looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong over-due sunshine!

Sex, Love and Pain

Hey WOW, i haven't been here in a while....so much has gone on, and i thought i'd do a wrap up with a twist!

First and foremost i apologise for the lack of blogging, even though i probably dont have a collection of viewers, the few that view deserve more than a hit and run....so ima hit.....run.....turn around and hit again =D

Now we all know how me love my bullet points...
so shut and let me shoot!
Hence my title...

SEX

• actively happy
• mutual agreement with sexee
• had a 'scare'
• negative =P

LOVE

• yo God IS love!
• my bro is back, and i cnt show enough love!!
• my fam...esp mum dad n bro...whoa! its still there man!
• love u show/share can change/move ppl.BELIEVE...

PAIN

• less physical more mental 4 me
• in sayin that i've been feeling sick since last thurs!
• im so frustrated about where im spiritually at it hurts!
• ouch, my aunty got a tatt.its soooo sexy!

this isn't a proper post is it? but as i said so much has been happening i don't know how to fit it all in, without boring you all..... hopefully it sorta gives you an insight to whats been going down in nicoles world.

ay 2 ppl who kno me...no questions pls =D

muth@fukin rapists

wtf is this world coming to really?? i say this as seriously as i can......u need Jesus!!

too many girls are going through shit that they dont need to.

i mean do they not realise what it can do to a person.......frm that 1st point of unwanted contact the victim immediately has issues! yes they can live with it, but believe u me its not easy!!

let me let u kno what runs through a rape victims mind....if not everyday......

(my advice/say)

• 1st thing.....am i crazy.......did that really happen or am i just imagining it.

the reason y 1 would think such thing is because its unbelievable! to the point where u think, daym.....im fucked up for thinking such things.....but hunny what you gotta realise is, only U know what really happened, the sick bastard who did it will never confess......YOU ARE NOT CRAZY.....do not feed that 'am i crazy' bullox 2 ur brain! cos if u do, or continue to do so believe there wll b issues coming ur way!

• why doesn't any1 believe me.

now i think this 1 is SICK, yes u do have friends n fam that believe, help and support u, but the ones that choose to ignore when they know well what happened can make a victim feel as lonely as hell......you know theres nothing like walking around ur house/work place/school wanting someone to hold u but every1 pushes u away bcos they think ur an attention seeker. my advice, fuck em, u dnt need ppl like that!

• i must've deserved it.

NO ONE deserves to be treated like a sextoy!

• its my fault anyway.

this is probably the strongest reason any1 could use as a defence mechanism to hang on to sanity, and i know majority do use this, it allows them to feel like nothing too traumatic has happened and they blame themselves... every flashback.....is firmed.....and 'its my fault' will b repeated like a broken record.

babygirls....plz plz...i beg........keep ur chin up......stay strong.......seek God

p.s if a girl so happens to open up2 u about her story, and at the end she says 'but its ok though im kool'........slap her, tell her its not kool, then show some love and support. help me start a new movement.....help me try and pick up the broken pieces.

God Bless